It's Not Always About The Winning...

This morning my 9-year old said in her soft little voice, "Mommy, I don't think I won the election" as we drove through the drop off line at school. My heart sank. I told her that if she doesn't win then she doesn't and we can always try again next year. She said she knows but I could tell there was a part of her that was excited about winning and sad to lose. I knew a part of her little excited heart would be crushed. And as her mom, so would mine.

I know this feeling all to well. Many of us do. We try hard at something and give it our all. We become positive and ready to come out on top and then we get the news: We didn't make it. Either it was a diet we attempted, a relationship we tried to salvage, a project we began, an election or an idea- whatever it was that took place did not end in success. Or did it?

Many of us fall short of ourselves. We do not give ourselves the credit we deserve and when we fail we punish ourselves in many ways. One way in which we punish ourselves is through verbal and emotional abuse TO ourselves. This is the conversation that takes place inside that no one else ever hears. In fact, if other people heard us speaking to ourselves in this we would shock a lot of people.

We tell ourselves that "we were never meant to succeed anyway. We are losers. Why did we even try? We knew we weren't going to make it. We are completely stupid for thinking we were destined for greatness. How pathetic we are! We should just return to the cave we came from and sleep in the bed that we made. In this lifetime I am destined to suffer and stay right where I am. It must be a karmic debt or something. I must be the example for everyone else. My father was right, I am a loser."

I have to disagree with these statements. Why do I speak of these statements clearly and with such conviction? Because I use these very same statements with myself. These statements seem to come from a little alien that sits on my right shoulder. It is my job to shut the mouth of this alien and fill my thoughts and mind with more positive words. I expect others to speak to me with love and respect. Why should I expect anything different from myself?

The school election experience that took place this morning made me imagine my daughter saying these same statements to herself. I became protective and angry. What if she spoke to herself in the same way we speak to ourselves? This made me want to crumble. Our children are smart, beautiful, able and bright little beings! There is no failure that is so great that would warrant such comments. Look at some of the "failures" you have experienced. Now, look at the ways you spoke to yourself after you "failed." There is no failure so great that would warrant such comments for you as well. You are smart, beautiful, able and bright beings!

What we teach our children we must practice ourselves. The update? She did not win the election. I will be picking her up from school in a little while and I will be teaching her that her efforts and dreams of winning are what make her a success daily! There are hundreds of kids who never run for office because of fear and it took courage for her to make the posters and run for treasurer. Courage is a winner to me. And you know what? We try again. Maybe treasurer isn't for her. Maybe a certain diet or project isn't for you. Now, you try again but in a different way. Like a bumper car. You hit and bounce and go again. It's all about the ride and never the desitination. And look at all of the things you learned along the way!

So as our elections are lost or our victories fade and our paintings becomes watered, remember one thing: Give yourself credit where credit is due. Stop speaking negatively to someone who doesn't deserve to be spoken to that way: Yourself. Love yourself for trying. Love yourself for being and look in the mirror and say, "I did it!" It's not always about the winning as much as it is about the trying and the learning. What we learn through our losses can never compare to what we learn from our winnings.

xoxo -ac